So many things have filled my days this autumn. The changing of leaves brought many changes to my life. The biggest of which is that I am now a married woman!

3682523098933901748-account_id1

The tangled path to this step with C is for another post, but after a very quiet and small backyard ceremony (big party with family and friends comes later in 2018), we are now officially ourselves, but with a couple of contracts between us. The biggest challenge so far has been that we only had two weeks together before he left for South Korea for a year. By far, one of the loneliest times in my life was driving back to Louisiana from Georgia after bringing him to Atlanta. We arrived and waited intertwined at the terminal until he had to board. Then it really was like a movie…holding hands until he couldn’t anymore and watching until I couldn’t see him anymore before leaving, tears streaming down my face.

Right now we’re grappling with whether he should power through a year alone in Korea, or if I should join him for a two year tour. We’re still very much just trying to adjust to all of the pragmatic changes that come with being married (receiving the license, applying for mutual benefits, altering life insurance policies, getting on car insurance policies, what should I do about my last name, and so on).

6458193162740644025-account_id1

To be honest, it has been a little overwhelming. The sense of responsibility is very real. I need to get a better grip on my finances, so I requested that we opt out of common property (which is the default when you get married in our state) so that he will not have to take responsibility for the debts I bring into our marriage. It also makes a little more sense to do right now since we are living completely apart in different countries with different sets of household expenses. It’s difficult to make long-term decisions as well without knowing where he will eventually be stationed, but at the very least we know we need to save for moving expenses and for a wedding party 😛

Although to some it seems like an unnecessary expense, it is something I’ve always imagined (my wedding with my maid of honor and bridal party and dancing in a wedding dress), and aside from quickly announcing it at a welcome home party for him with his family, I haven’t had an opportunity to celebrate with my own extended family and friends. Plus tradition! And decorating and food and so on 🙂

As I try to sort through these to-do lists, my and our finances, and my new life as an army wife, I hope this can serve as a place to sort my thoughts. Feel free to offer words of advice and hopefully I’ll be able to offer some knowledge as well.

I know Thanksgiving was yesterday, but I spent most of the day with my family and friends in some capacity. And as Cicero says, Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. I’m allowed to be thankful each day, including Black Friday, a pseudoholiday wrought with irony. This isn’t a challenge to any cosmic entities, but this year has been relatively quiet compared to past years – this has probably been the longest “break” experienced without tragedy since 2008. In 2008, my little brother had a cardiac aneurysm and died in my parents’ arms. I was 20, and he was 15…it was a difficult thing for my family to even attempt to come to terms with. From that point on, my struggles with anxiety and academia were exacerbated to the point of being unable to complete my coursework until help was sought. In October 2010, my 19 year old cousin was hit by a car on her college campus and died. This was a difficult thing for everyone, especially my parents, so soon after already having lost one person so young and close to us. A month and a half later, we watched our house burned down the day after Thanksgiving. Someone had stayed up all night playing games and saw the spark from the outlet…otherwise my brother, dad, and I wouldn’t be here today. A year later, one of my close friends died in a car accident, and the year after that I had a nervous breakdown. In 2013 we lost my grandfather, the only one who was alive while I was old enough to get to know him.

Every time I get caught up in a difficult situation, I try to put it in perspective. I don’t participate in the “others have it worse” mentality, because that will always be trivially true. No one’s struggles should be minimized and marginalized because of an obscure and biased ranking system. I think about my own experiences with respect to my own past. I am grateful to be able to do this and be able to be empathetic to others. I am thankful my parents and brother are doing well and that I have a friendship structure that has withstood the test of time. I hope that my romantic life pans out and instead of trying to adhere to some sort of weird societal standards, I can keep the person I’ve come to fit with like a puzzle-piece. I think being more secure in myself and being willing to speak another’s love language will help. Right now we’re both so busy, so I hope after the next couple of weeks are over I don’t lose someone I really care about.

But if you just came here for a bulleted list of things I’m thankful for:

My family and I are getting along better than we have in years
My friends are amazing and supportive and everything I dreamed of having when I was younger
Z having a smile that makes me smile
Kitty cats :3 because kitty cats
My job pays bills
My car still runs
I live in a nice and secure apartment
My hair is back to my natural color (light brown vs. black)

November Updates

November is almost completely over! Maybe I should wait and do a “November Roundup,” but I’m gonna jump the gun here and just do a regular one. I have recovered from feeling and looking like I belong in an eighteenth century novel (coughing into a bloody rag while shaking my fist at the youths). I need to call them Monday (after the holidays), but I think I found a dentist who is in network with both my dental and medical insurance. Hopefully that’d knock my cost down from $2350 to a maximum of $600. I’m going to try to just get my power steering pump replaced instead of just replacing the whole car. I’d like to get my wisdom teeth taken care of and my Discover card paid off before looking at buying a new car.

~~Read Ender’s Shadow & Shadow of the Hegemon~~
Finish one bear for the Mother Bear Project
Budget attack & debt repayment plan
~~CLEAN AND UNPACK MY ENTIRE ROOM~~

I’m so good at this Thanksgiving thing, right? Nah, jk. I’m gonna post all about that tomorrow. I only have to be thankful that one day! THAT’S IT RIGHT? I kid, I kid. Even my worst days are better than others’ best days sometimes. I’ve begun my bear. I chose a deep, flecked brown and am going to do a red dress with black and white striped leggings. I got to see Z for the first time since the beginning of November. He has such a genuine smile, it makes me smile to think of it. I hope that once the clustercuss that is the end of the semester ends we’ll be able to see each other a little more. Plus I am working on a pretty cool Christmas gift 😉

Since I’ve set more reasonable goals for this month, I’ve done a better job of making positive progress. Go me!

November Updates

Two weeks into November…though it’s suddenly as if time has slowed to crawling. I’ve spent most of it sleeping due to sadness and sickness. I have what I hope is just a very bad sinus infection, though at this point I cannot even talk (great thing, since I’m a teacher, amirite?). I went to my appointment for my wisdom teeth, but the facility my dentist referred me to isn’t in network with my health or dental insurance, so I would have to pay the full $2350 up front (not happening). My power steering is completely out, but I am having more luck on that front. There are a lot of cars in my price range that meet my requirements, so I’m hoping to have something new to me to drive by the end of November. It helps that I’ll have my Christmas bonus by then too 😛

Read ~~Ender’s Shadow &~~ Shadow of the Hegemon
Finish one bear for the Mother Bear Project
~~Stick to a keto diet (excluding Thanksgiving Day)~~
Budget attack & debt repayment plan
~~CLEAN AND~~ UNPACK MY ENTIRE ROOM

I’ve made some progress on my goals for once and have changed a few. With the way things have been, I haven’t been able to handle eating properly, so I’m not sticking to a keto diet. It’s pretty much the “eat if I can” diet…but I’ve lost 8 lbs so there’s that. I’ve cleaned my room completely, so the only thing I really have left to do is put away the rest of my clothes. I’ve been crocheting a scarf in a colorway called “Sunrise” for a friend of mine. I also have a hat to finish for Z, whom I miss dearly and think of often.

I need to begin working on the bear for the MBP, but I want to pick good colors and ideas. It may seem like I’m overthinking it, but I want to pick colors that aren’t whitewashed for the bears. But…if you’re going to make something for a charity, shouldn’t a lot of thought go into it? One of my best friends is moving back to Louisiana. I’m sorry his foray into living a few states away didn’t work out, but I know his family is happy to have him back, and it’s nice to be able to chat face-to-face.

In my current state, all I’m good for is coloring, sleeping, and reading. Though one of my cats licked my nose this morning to wake me up, so that was sweet. Weekend, pls come faster, and Friday the 13th, pls don’t be terrible.

i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own

i want to fill so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of
us combined
could set
it on fire

Rupi Kaur

November. Month Eleven. 2015 has almost come to a close. I’ve felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants for the entire year…so far. Maybe November/December will settle down (even though I’m writing a goal post on the 6th…but that’s neither here nor there 😛 ). I’m doing the keto diet from this point on through the end of November. Will break it for Thanksgiving because reasons, but that’s the only allowed exception. #crying

Hopefully this month will be wonderful and full of deliciousness. I mean, it is full of a week-long vacation (really 9 days vs. 7). It’ll be time to relax, time to hang out with people I care about, and also potentially get my wisdom teeth out. I’ve got some big expenses potentially coming up (e.g. wisdom teeth, “new” car, catching up on debts, new phone,…) But here are some more things I’d like to do!

Read Ender’s Shadow & Shadow of the Hegemon
Finish one bear for the Mother Bear Project
Stick to a keto diet (excluding Thanksgiving Day)
Budget attack & debt repayment plan
CLEAN AND UNPACK MY ENTIRE ROOM

Not too unreasonable right? But then again it never is.